Busy. Busy. Busy.

Last week I was having a conversation with a friend about my current job. The friend I was talking with used to work at my job but left her position about 4 months ago. She is very familiar with the personalities and the chaos that ensues daily in the office. To give a brief description, I work for a company in the healthcare field. Out of 40 staff members there are two men who hold positions in the office. Of course the rest of us are women...well some of us behave like women.
Anyway, there are four administrative positions in the office and all of the roles are held by women. To put it lightly, there are a lot of attitudes, egos and various personalities that circulate every day in the office. There are countless days when office doors are closed and you can hear screaming matches going on between some women. Just last week one of my coworkers came to sit near me and had an emotional breakdown because she couldn't take what was going on in the office anymore. It is coming to the point where I am actually becoming used to seeing people with tears in their eyes and red faces. It is such a regular part of my day that until writing this, I didn't think about how unacceptable that is for a work environment.
What I noticed last week while talking to my friend is that in the office there is a lot of hustling and bustling going on among the administration but no real progress is being made. Its not uncommon to see someone with cheap stilettos and false eyelashes speed walking down the hallways while holding papers and complaining. Everyone in the office is so busy going somewhere yet no one knows where they are going. We don't work in Donald Trump's tower. There are only 8 offices in the suite. Walking to the office next door shouldn't require you to break out into a sweat because you are moving so fast. Trying to look important must be a really hard job.
What has occurred as a result of the crappy disposition of some of the women in the office is that financially the office is beginning to tank. Productivity is not as high and profits are not being made. They are even talking about possibly letting employees go because the revenue being generated is not sufficient. I believe that this is a direct link to how these women behave towards each other and to outsiders. No one wants to work with a person who has a nasty attitude and poor communication skills. No respectable person is going to refer clients to receive services from such a company either.
I just began reading Womenomics by Claire Shipman and Katty Kay. I am only on page 12 but it has provided me with a lot of back up for what I think about the "administrators" at my job. So far the book has provided information regarding why women are considered assets to any company and how we are natural managers. It goes on to say that we have a different managerial style than our male colleagues and that's why profits increase and businesses thrive under our leadership. So my question still lingers in the air about why the company I work for is seeing a decrease in profits when there are women in the power seats. It all leads me to believe that there are too many egos and power struggles at play in the office. During a meeting a couple of months ago, the employees were told that they needed to "check themselves" in reference to their demeanor at work. Can you imagine the head of a thriving Fortune 500 company using that vernacular at a meeting with the employees? I hardly think that Oprah Winfrey in her meetings tells her staff at Harpo, "Hey! Y'all need to check yo'selves!"
I have been working in my field for almost 12 years. In those years, I have had two managerial positions. In one of them I supervised 13 people and in the other, I directly supervised 9 people and indirectly supervised 508 employees. I learned a lot from both of those experiences and when I left I had people come to me and tell me that they appreciated my leadership. I gave them space to breathe and encouraged them to grow as professionals and human beings. I wasn't and I'm still not where I need to be in terms of perfecting my management style but I learned how to treat people with dignity while learning how to be a better person. I made many mistakes but I tried to rectify them when they were made.
I think that as women we have to learn our own power and how to use it effectively. We can't let egos and titles define us. We can leave that behavior for the men to do in the workplace. We have nurturing spirits which can be used to make any work situation profitable. I often look at the women I work with and I am completely turned off. I am always looking for strong women who I can learn something from and form business relationships. Sad to say at this job, I can't do that with anyone in administration. I have voiced my opinion several times and I have tried to make the work environment better. Instead of gratitude, I was provided with sarcastic remarks and immature comments. So my part is done. I am still looking for a new job and hopefully it will be delivered soon. Until then I will just sit back and observe the silliness while consoling my co-workers who can't speak up for themselves. I just wish that the women in that office could do better. Not for the company but for themselves.

Here We Go 'Round the Mulberry Bush...

I am a huge fan of the Cosby Show. I can name all the kids and even their friends. Sometimes all I need to see are the opening credits and I can tell you, just by the scene that is displayed in the beginning of the sitcom which episode is about to be shown. I learned a lot from that show and I particularly loved Claire Huxtable. She had five kids and was a successful attorney, mother and wife. Those are just some of the responsibilities that Claire had in her life. Although the show did attempt to show Claire as a real woman who becomes overwhelmed at times, I sometimes sit back and think about some of the real people I know and how their lives compare to hers. I'm particularly talking about how Claire was able to balance all of the demands of her life and still maintain a thriving career.
I have a friend/coworker who I have known for almost 12 years. When we first met she was newly married and was planning on having a family. When her daughter was born she decided to stop working and be a stay at home mom. She ended up staying home for six years and had another child during that time. Due to the economy she had to begin working again last year in order to bring more money into her household.
When I first met my friend, she was in her late 20s and held a management position at a local organization. I admired her intelligence and quick decision making skills. She seemed to handle any situation with great aplomb and was good at encouraging others to do well. At my current job we are colleagues and work closely together when needed. I have noticed a significant change in the way she handles herself in meetings and when confronted with a difficult work issue. Instead of being self assured and confident, she becomes frazzled and easily frustrated. It is as if she is having difficulty handling the stressors of being a professional. After watching her behavior for a while, I asked her one day how she became so timid in her approach to work. She acknowledged her personality change and stated that being a stay at home mom has made it difficult for her to readjust and get used to the working world. I actually didn't know what to say. I'm not a mother, I'm not married and I don't know what it's like to rejoin the workforce after years of being separated from it. I am constantly on my grind so she was speaking a foreign language to me. What did happen inside of my brain was a brief moment of fear. Actually it wasn't brief because I'm still thinking about it today.
I remember watching Sex and the City and during Season 4, Charlotte decided to stop working because she got married and wanted to start a family. Samantha tells her to be "damn sure when she gets off the Ferris wheel because the women waiting to get on are 22, perky and ruthless." That scene just kept going through my mind over and over again. Ideally, when I have kids I would love to stop working for a year or two and devote all of my time to them but if it means becoming an eggshell, I'll pass. I have worked too hard for my education and I have been through too many professional ups and downs not to get something from my career. I try to remain intellectually focused and I don't want to take 10 steps back professionally because I got married and had kids. I am sure that this is a struggle that many women have in their lives but it makes me more determined to shape the life I want. Do I think that a woman can have a satisfying professional and personal life? Yes, I do. Life won't be balanced and perfect and it will need to be adjusted at times but I believe it can be done. Claire Huxtable stayed on the Ferris wheel and so will I.
My observation of my coworker served to reinforce my own ideas about myself and what I want to do in my life. I know plenty of women who have left the workforce and returned just as strong as they were before if not stronger. My sister is a stay at home mother and I know at some point she will return to the working world with a vengeance too. I am supportive of my friend and her professional and personal decisions. I know that everyone has a different path. I also applaud her for her honesty regarding her approach to work and I hope that she can find whatever balance she is looking for as well.

Am I Bitter?

Yesterday I was at a friend's baby shower, sitting with some of her other close friends. We were discussing various topics including dating, television and our careers. Most of us had not seen each other since my friend's wedding in 2007 so we were happy to see each other again and catch up. At one point during our conversation, another person walked up to the table and began to provide information about what has been happening in her life over the past two years. She then began to ask everyone at the table for an update and they gladly provided it to her. When she got to me, I shared with her that I started a new job about six months ago and I told her some other events as well. She then states, "You got a new job! Why didn't you put that on facebook?" I immediately looked at her with a puzzled expression on my face and I explained that I don't share information of the nature on facebook.
I'm wondering when facebook became the substitute for face to face conversations. At some point I fear that people are going to begin placing their wedding invitations on facebook as a way to save money. Unfortunately, I do believe that many people use social networking sites as a way to share good news with close friends. I like facebook but I become highly annoyed with people who make a status update about every single move they make throughout the day. I don't need to know that you are brushing your teeth or that you are headed to the nail salon. Am I being bitter or just getting old? I would rather have my friends call me and we can talk about our daily lives like normal people. I'm sure most people won't agree with my views because facebook has become a convenient way of life. I still like to receive hand written notes in the mail and I get excited when I see a card addressed to me for a special occasion. It takes a lot of effort nowadays for someone to travel to the post office and mail a letter and I appreciate that effort. Anyway, before I go off on a rant I would just like to say that nothing can beat talking on the phone or having a good lunch with a great friend. You can't get that kind of intimacy on facebook. You just can't.

Venus?

I always thought that as we get older we become wiser, bolder and more liberated in every sense of the word. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm wrong. For the most part, I have enjoyed growing up and stepping into new experiences. I have shed some old perspectives on life and gained some new ones. I have been going through a lot of growing pains lately and wondering where my life is going to end up. What's in store for me as the years go by? Of course I don't have the answer to this question so I look at older women's lives to try and gage how they feel and what life experiences they've had. I don't look at celebrities but rather at real women that I know. So far my most interesting observation surrounds the topic of sex. Allow me to share with you what I have learned so far.
At my job, there tends to be good banter in the morning between those of us who sit in the back of the office. Our ages range from the early 30s to the mid 50s. We discuss politics, current events and recently the topic of sex has been coming into the conversation a lot more often. One of my coworkers is a woman in her mid 50s and she is interested in dating again. She often discusses dates she's been on and the types of men she meets in the park. When asked more probing questions about her relationships, she completely shuts down. It's as if the topic of sex is taboo and not allowed in her brain. At one point she began to wave her hands in the air like she was calling on some deity for assistance with the topic. When confronted about her odd behavior she began talking as if sex was some far away star in the galaxy. It was all too weird for me and baffling.

I thought as we got older we were supposed to let go of some of our inhibitions and be free. If you want a man, you're supposed to just go and get him! (insert tiger growl here) Am I wrong? Maybe. I thought that sex and intimacy over 50 was fabulous. That's what Oprah said and I believed her. I have not learned a lot so far about this concept. I wonder if my coworker represents the majority of women out here in their 50s and how they feel about intimacy. I have some more observing to do but so far I'm not impressed. I'll keep you posted. Until next time...

Just Kickin' It

I attended a social work training today about Qigong and how to use it with ourselves as practitioners and with our clients. During this training, the instructor had us do several relaxing body exercises and helped us to focus on our breathing. It was very useful information and I look forward to putting the techniques into practice in the near future. At one point during the training, we were being guided through a relaxation technique while sitting in our chairs, arms relaxed, spine straightened and feet pressed firmly on the floor when my mind began to wander. I know this internal struggle is a part of the meditative process and the point is to refocus my energy back into the exercise but I indulged myself for a little bit.
I began to think about how much vibrational energy is in each one of us as human beings. In that moment I began to feel a sense of compassion for many things, specifically myself. I started to evaluate whether or not recent decisions I made were healthy and beneficial for me. I also began to reflect on some of the statements that the instructor made during the first part of the class. He stated that the food we eat and the air we breath affects our energy. I immediately thought about the sandwich I had from Arby's earlier this week and how much bad energy it probably contained. He also stated that during these exercises, the body will have several responses to letting go and you can easily tell when an area is congested and needs to be released from stress. I found that to be an amazing concept because during most of these exercises, my neck and my shoulders were throbbing.
I couldn't afford to allow myself to daydream much longer but I did make a conscious decision to remember to research Qigong more and see how it could possibly help me further develop my spirituality. I also pledged to be more vigilant about what I eat and to take the time to make healthier food choices. At times, the temptation to eat junk food is so strong that I feel like my will power is being tested. I also wondered how many people in the room were thinking the same thing I was at the moment. How many of the twenty three learners were focused in on this experience and using it for their well being as opposed to just getting continuing education credits? Difficult to tell. So I shook off my string of thoughts and refocused my energy and completed the exercise feeling refreshed and clear headed. Just when it was time to sit back down and learn some more, I hear the familiar rustle of a plastic bag. I look to my right and the old lady next to me who now has white specks of food on her mouth asks, "you want a chip?"
Alas, my answer: twenty two of us.

I See Dead People

As a social worker, I have had many interesting jobs over the span of my professional career. I've worked in the juvenile system, I've had jobs in schools and I have given myself over to the area of mental health completely. I have enjoyed almost every position I've held so far. Some have come as a challenge while others have been very easy for me. Over the past year, I have faced some struggles in my career that I am still currently trying to sort out. I have been angry, sad and at times frustrated about some of the ups and downs I've experienced. After searching for a while, back in March of this year I was offered a job that I would have never pictured myself doing. It's in the medical field and yes it allows me to help people which is what I love doing, but it involved working for a hospice.
When I think of the word hospice the images of flowers and candy don't automatically come to my mind. Instead I picture white sheets , metal instruments and of course, death. Hospice was the place where they put my beloved Gaga (my babysitter when I was a child) when the doctors couldn't do anything else for her. All I remember thinking was that she was going to die in that facility. Needless to say, I didn't know a lot about hospice but I opened myself up to the experience and said yes to the position because I wanted to learn something new.
During the past few months, I have had two experiences where I have been in the room when a patient has died. The first time it happened I was shocked because I had never witnessed anyone die before. When I saw that patient expire, I was filled with many questions about death and dying but didn't quite know how to articulate what I was feeling. The second time it happened, which was a couple of days ago, the primary question that swirled in my mind was if the patient was really there in spirit when she passed away. After observing her labored breathing for a little while and calling her name in an attempt to get a response, I realized that the answer was no. That woman left her body long before her breathing had stopped. It was like looking into an empty shell or gazing at a wax figure in a museum. Her eyes were completely empty when I looked into them and I could tell that she didn't see me even though they were open. I was so convinced that she had already left this realm that I called the family so that they could come and say goodbye. Sure enough when the family came, the woman stopped breathing ten minutes after their arrival. Whoever she was in spirit had made it's peace with this earth and went wherever it was going.
The mystery of death actually hit me in that moment. Not in a bad way but in a good way. I wondered where she went. Was she standing there watching us and giggling as one of the nurses commented about how pretty her complexion was? I don't know. I do know that when I said my silent prayer for her soul to rest in peace, I felt better about her death almost instantly. It's not like I knew her but I felt sympathy for her family. After I left the facility, I had a talk with my sister and I shared with her what I had just witnessed with that patient. After telling me that I needed to get a new job, my sister said that one of her friend's observed the same emptiness when her brother passed away. She didn't think he was in his body either at the time of his actual death. I found this to be confirmation to what I already suspected even though I had no proof. I will never know the answer to my question but it's worthy of some reflection. I guess there are a lot of questions in life that go unanswered and that's one of them.
All in all, working at this job has given me a new perspective on life. Its made me appreciate my health and has encouraged me to live life to the fullest. I have even stopped worrying and being frustrated about a lot of issues that used to bother me before. The most interesting part is that I have developed a pretty sharp eye for spotting the signs of imminent death. I couldn't brag about that quality before but now I can.( I'll have to remember to add that to my resume.) With every job I have, I learn a lot about myself and use it to my advantage. With this job, I am learning a lot about the medical field and other useful information regarding patient care. In fact, just the other day in a meeting, the medical director commented that he wanted to teach each one of us how to feel a patient's stomach to tell if he/she is constipated. The instant he uttered those words I received a quick answer to another question that was swirling around in my head: YES. My sister was right, I need to find a new job.