Here We Go 'Round the Mulberry Bush...

I am a huge fan of the Cosby Show. I can name all the kids and even their friends. Sometimes all I need to see are the opening credits and I can tell you, just by the scene that is displayed in the beginning of the sitcom which episode is about to be shown. I learned a lot from that show and I particularly loved Claire Huxtable. She had five kids and was a successful attorney, mother and wife. Those are just some of the responsibilities that Claire had in her life. Although the show did attempt to show Claire as a real woman who becomes overwhelmed at times, I sometimes sit back and think about some of the real people I know and how their lives compare to hers. I'm particularly talking about how Claire was able to balance all of the demands of her life and still maintain a thriving career.
I have a friend/coworker who I have known for almost 12 years. When we first met she was newly married and was planning on having a family. When her daughter was born she decided to stop working and be a stay at home mom. She ended up staying home for six years and had another child during that time. Due to the economy she had to begin working again last year in order to bring more money into her household.
When I first met my friend, she was in her late 20s and held a management position at a local organization. I admired her intelligence and quick decision making skills. She seemed to handle any situation with great aplomb and was good at encouraging others to do well. At my current job we are colleagues and work closely together when needed. I have noticed a significant change in the way she handles herself in meetings and when confronted with a difficult work issue. Instead of being self assured and confident, she becomes frazzled and easily frustrated. It is as if she is having difficulty handling the stressors of being a professional. After watching her behavior for a while, I asked her one day how she became so timid in her approach to work. She acknowledged her personality change and stated that being a stay at home mom has made it difficult for her to readjust and get used to the working world. I actually didn't know what to say. I'm not a mother, I'm not married and I don't know what it's like to rejoin the workforce after years of being separated from it. I am constantly on my grind so she was speaking a foreign language to me. What did happen inside of my brain was a brief moment of fear. Actually it wasn't brief because I'm still thinking about it today.
I remember watching Sex and the City and during Season 4, Charlotte decided to stop working because she got married and wanted to start a family. Samantha tells her to be "damn sure when she gets off the Ferris wheel because the women waiting to get on are 22, perky and ruthless." That scene just kept going through my mind over and over again. Ideally, when I have kids I would love to stop working for a year or two and devote all of my time to them but if it means becoming an eggshell, I'll pass. I have worked too hard for my education and I have been through too many professional ups and downs not to get something from my career. I try to remain intellectually focused and I don't want to take 10 steps back professionally because I got married and had kids. I am sure that this is a struggle that many women have in their lives but it makes me more determined to shape the life I want. Do I think that a woman can have a satisfying professional and personal life? Yes, I do. Life won't be balanced and perfect and it will need to be adjusted at times but I believe it can be done. Claire Huxtable stayed on the Ferris wheel and so will I.
My observation of my coworker served to reinforce my own ideas about myself and what I want to do in my life. I know plenty of women who have left the workforce and returned just as strong as they were before if not stronger. My sister is a stay at home mother and I know at some point she will return to the working world with a vengeance too. I am supportive of my friend and her professional and personal decisions. I know that everyone has a different path. I also applaud her for her honesty regarding her approach to work and I hope that she can find whatever balance she is looking for as well.