Excuse Me??

Last week while at the hair salon sitting under the dryer, I was watching the Oprah Winfrey Show. On this particular episode she was interviewing Robin Givens, who is the ex-wife of heavy weight champion Mike Tyson. During this show, Robin Givens was upset because Oprah Winfrey did not speak up for battered women when Mike Tyson made a reference to wanting to "sock" Robin Givens when discussing their infamous interview with Barbara Walters in the late 80's. Just when Robin Givens began to cry, the woman at the dryer next to me stated, "You know she is a professional actress." I turned my head and said, "Excuse me?" The woman then stated, "She gets paid to act." I then asked her is she didn't believe that Robin Givens was telling the truth. She replied, "I'm not saying I don't believe her, I'm just saying that she is an actress." She then got up and walked away.
In that moment, I had a mix of emotions shoot through me. One emotion was confusion because I hate when people don't clearly state what they mean. She had the opportunity to say yes or no to my question. Either you believe Robin Givens or you don't. Another emotion was anger. I'm not so sure why I became angry but I am going to try to explore it a little. I actually think that when the woman next to me made that statement it was very hateful. It was said with a bit of sarcasm and the look on her face and her body language was that of someone who thinks she has the right to judge other people. I couldn't help but wonder if what she said came out of a place of self-hatred. I cannot imagine having a woman tell me that she has been abused and I not provide her with emotional support. I give every woman the benefit of the doubt because I don't know for sure what they have been through in their relationships. I find that woman's comment to be one of the major contributing factors for why some women get stuck in abusive relationships. The factor is that people don't believe them when they are reaching out for help. I am not an expert on domestic abuse but I am quite sure that for a woman to tell someone about what is happening to her and to then have that person judge her situation, it can be a matter of life and death. She may never share this information with anyone else and risk staying in that abusive relationship for fear that no one will believe her.
I have a part time job doing mental health therapy with young women. None of my clients at this time are over eighteen years old but 2 out of 3 of them have experienced traumatic verbal and physical abuse at the hands of various men in their lives. My job is to guide them and to let them know that they have a safe place to come and share their stories. I also provide them with emotional support to assist them in dealing with the problems from their pasts. I believe them when they tell me their stories because for so long no one listened to them. It makes my heart ache when individuals who have no compassion for others make comments like the one woman made at the salon. I don't know who else heard her and who may now adopt the same attitude about domestic abuse. All I can do at this point is remain supportive and be an advocate for women who are abused. At some point as women we have to learn to be supportive of each other. I hope that time comes sooner rather than later.

A Different World

Last weekend I had the privilege of attending a beautiful wedding in New Orleans, Louisiana. One of my closest friends was in the wedding and everything was great including the weather which reached a beautiful high of 80 degrees that day. The couple that got married both attended a historically black college/university (HBCU) and went on to obtain advanced degrees at other highly respected institutions. The bride is a member of a sorority and the groom is a member of a fraternity, which both hold prominent places within the black community. Towards the end of the reception, the groom and his groomsmen began to pay tribute to their fraternity by singing songs and performing a mini-step show. It was fun watching them and feeling their energy and it gave me a warm feeling inside and reminded me of my college days.
Like the bride and groom, I also attended a historically black university. It is rare that I am invited to weddings where almost the whole wedding party and most of the guests have gone to an HBCU. The feeling was remarkable and inspiring and made me once again appreciate the decision I made to attend my university. I see it as a blessing to be a part of a community of people who share the commonality of attending an HBCU. We all remember the struggles and the strengths of our college days and have similar stories to share about our schools. For the most part, I think that people who have never attended a historically black college or university frown upon the idea and cannot completely grasp the pride that a person has when talking about the specific HBCU they attended. My heart goes out to individuals who have never experienced life at an HBCU because it appears as if they missed out on a tremendous growth opportunity. I really recognized this when I attended graduate school at a predominantly white university and began to meet black undergraduate students who seemed very lost and out of touch with themselves. The one thing I know for sure about attending an HBCU is that it instills in its students a sense of pride about being black that other colleges/universities are not able to do. It is also very comforting to look out on a campus and see reflections of yourself and to meet other people who share some of your same values.
At times, I take my college life for granted and forget what an enriching experience it was on certain levels. I am always grateful when I get good reminders of my past and when I can do a little reflecting about my college days. The wedding I attended provided me with the opportunity of witnessing two people in love make a life long commitment. It also served to remind me of what a lucky person I am to have had the wonderful experiences I have had so far in life. God has blessed me in many ways and making me attend an HBCU was just one way in which He has shown His love for me. There were many schools and many paths that I could have chosen when I was younger. I am grateful that my path crossed with certain individuals and certain schools and I look forward to better and more abundant journeys in the future.

The End Of An Era

About two months ago I wrote a post about Facebook and the lack of intimacy that it provides between individuals. Well, I finally got tired of Facebook and decided to end my relationship with all social networking websites. I just simply became annoyed with all of the nonsense. It was great seeing old classmates and finding people I grew up with in my neighborhood but outside of those moments, I didn't enjoy it much. To be quite honest, I actually found it to be an invasion of my privacy. For those people who do not know me well, I am a VERY private person. I don't share the details of my personal life with many people so for me to be so easily accessible was bothersome. I know I'm not Angelina Jolie or Halle Berry but I do believe that maintaining a certain level of privacy for myself is important. I didn't like the fact that people could look at my pictures and view conversations that I was having with other people. It leaves room for too much interpretation and with my sense of humor, people who do not know me can easily misinterpret what I say.
I also found myself being a bit more intrusive in other people's lives as well. I would get home from work and instead of sitting down and reading a book, I would turn the computer on and immediately begin to shuffle through other people's random vacation pictures, party pics and more. Its not like I'm not interested in what other people are doing in their lives, I just don't think I need to be consumed with it for two hours out of the day. I have literally sat down at 5pm, started looking at Facebook and before I knew it the clock was reading 7pm. That was when I knew I had a problem. I was so involved in other people's lives that I was neglecting my own.
Another big issue for me is that some of the people who were popping up on Facebook were people who I didn't care to know any longer. I am a firm believer that not everyone belongs in my life. When I closed my account, there were many friend requests "pending" and I am so thankful that they will remain in that "pending" area of my life. The fact that I have to keep someone "pending" to be my "friend" speaks volumes to me. Anyway, as I have stated in many of my blogs, I am experiencing a tremendous growth spurt in my life and Facebook was not helping me to focus on myself. I think it did just the opposite and hindered my growth. Now I can come home, read a book and get back to my normally peaceful state of mind. This may not mean a lot to other people, but it means a lot to me. Either way it doesn't matter if others understand it or not. I just know that I feel so much better.