Am I Bitter?

Yesterday I was at a friend's baby shower, sitting with some of her other close friends. We were discussing various topics including dating, television and our careers. Most of us had not seen each other since my friend's wedding in 2007 so we were happy to see each other again and catch up. At one point during our conversation, another person walked up to the table and began to provide information about what has been happening in her life over the past two years. She then began to ask everyone at the table for an update and they gladly provided it to her. When she got to me, I shared with her that I started a new job about six months ago and I told her some other events as well. She then states, "You got a new job! Why didn't you put that on facebook?" I immediately looked at her with a puzzled expression on my face and I explained that I don't share information of the nature on facebook.
I'm wondering when facebook became the substitute for face to face conversations. At some point I fear that people are going to begin placing their wedding invitations on facebook as a way to save money. Unfortunately, I do believe that many people use social networking sites as a way to share good news with close friends. I like facebook but I become highly annoyed with people who make a status update about every single move they make throughout the day. I don't need to know that you are brushing your teeth or that you are headed to the nail salon. Am I being bitter or just getting old? I would rather have my friends call me and we can talk about our daily lives like normal people. I'm sure most people won't agree with my views because facebook has become a convenient way of life. I still like to receive hand written notes in the mail and I get excited when I see a card addressed to me for a special occasion. It takes a lot of effort nowadays for someone to travel to the post office and mail a letter and I appreciate that effort. Anyway, before I go off on a rant I would just like to say that nothing can beat talking on the phone or having a good lunch with a great friend. You can't get that kind of intimacy on facebook. You just can't.

A Simple Concept

About a week ago I walked into the nail salon and as usual I am greeted cheerfully by Peter, the manager of the salon. He gestured for me to sit in his chair and he begins my manicure. Almost as soon as I sit down, Peter begins to sing and he has this delightful look all over his face. His singing continued for about 10 minutes and at times he seemed as though he was singing to me! That is when I realized that I have been going to this same salon for about one year and every time I get my service, Peter is in a better mood each time I see him. When I thought about this, I looked up, gazed at him and said, "Peter, are you always in a good mood?" He immediately looks at me with this puzzled look and asks, "What do you mean?" I then said, "Are you always happy?" Again, he looks at me and says, "Yes! Why not?"
What a simple concept. Yes. Why wouldn't I be happy? The way he responded made me feel foolish. I sat there and wondered what compelled me to ask such a question. Maybe it's because I don't often run into people who are happy every day or maybe it's because I'm not in a particularly happy state of mind. I'm not sure. All I know is that what he said made a lot of sense to me. Why I would question happiness seems absurd. I know I can deduce a lot from his answer but I learned one major thing: I don't want to be in such a negative space that I have to question someone else's joy. For me that is the biggest lesson.

The Lesson

As I have mentioned in a previous post the past year has been very emotionally trying for me. My professional career was turned upside down and as a result many other areas of my life were affected by that occurrence. During the time when I was experiencing close to the worst part of my professional life, I knew that my faith in God had to be strengthened. My daily meditations became more purposeful and I began having much more in depth conversations with God about what was happening in my life. At this time, I was in an unhealthy work environment, my supervisor was unstable and lacked moral fiber and it felt as if the company I worked for had been placed under a satanic spell. I have never before been in the midst of such evil. It is difficult to explain everything that I witnessed and experienced but I do know that it rocked the foundation of my being and I am not the same person I was prior to accepting employment at that company. I was plagued with instability when I left that job and I knew that it was going to take a while to regain focus and gather the pieces of myself that were shattered. I have been grappling with trying to find the lesson for me with that experience and I have been unsuccessful in doing so. There are many professional "lessons" I have learned in terms of handling budgets, reading legal documents etc., but nothing that has built my character. In fact, I think it may have done the opposite.
I left that job in March and bouncing back has not been easy for me. I have days when I am happy and days when I am extremely irritable. I have already assessed myself for depression and I fit none of the diagnostic criteria. (At least then I would have had an excuse for my madness.) I am working on maintaining my boundaries with work and people as well. I sometimes feel as if I am going to stop functioning altogether because at times, I have nothing else to give people. I am physically and mentally exhausted and I am very aware of this issue. Just last week, I was beating up on myself because I know the person I used to be and I want her back badly. Then I decided to place my negative emotions to the side and do my bi-monthly budgeting exercises as a way to avoid the issue. When I looked down at the calendar, I was amazed. It was only August. August! That's when I realized that I may not be crazy. It has only been 5 months since I left that job and here I am questioning why I'm not the person I used to be. I hadn't even thought about giving myself time to heal from such a tumultuous year. I guess I expected that I would recover quickly from a job that drained me so terribly but it just isn't possible. I spend my days and some nights encouraging clients to take a minute for themselves and try to find peace and I'm not practicing that in my own life right now.
So what I have decided to do is just take my time. I can't give myself away to people or things that do not give me pleasure anymore. I simply cannot do it. I need time to rejuvenate myself and get back on track with my purpose. I wouldn't be surprised if I discover the lesson that God has been trying to teach me when I surrender and relax into what I am feeling. The true beginning of my healing process took place when I went to AZ on a spa trip with my friends in July. I began to feel a piece of myself come back and I was very happy. I look forward to seeing what the next 5 to 6 months has to offer me in terms of growth. I am not at the best place now but I pray that I feel better soon. I hope to emerge with renewed strength and I eagerly anticipate finding the lesson in the center of this chaotic time.