This Christmas

This Christmas was definitely one to remember. Aside from 2009 not being a very pleasurable year for me, this was also one of the most budget conscious Christmases I've had in years. Not like I'm rolling in dough but I usually don't have to resort to robbing Peter to pay Paul in order to purchase gifts for my loved ones. With that being said, I went into this Christmas season with a bit of unease about not being able to spend money lavishly on my family. I felt this way until I spoke with my friend LaKeita, who is a newlywed and a new mom.
We were discussing our lack of funds this year and she shared her perspective on giving gifts to her husband this holiday. She explained that due to not being able to shower him with tons of gifts, it made her focus more on the quality of the gifts she gave to him. She really worked hard to find useful gifts that would mean a lot to him. As she was saying this, I realized that I did the same thing. Instead of purchasing meaningless items of clothing, I used my creativity to come up with gifts that I thought would strike a chord with my family members. I had pictures enlarged and bought things for my nieces that I enjoyed when I was a child. To my surprise when my nieces opened their gifts, they paid no attention to the clothing I purchased for them but rather went to the kitchen table and began to use the arts and crafts materials I purchased instead.
As I was talking to my friend, I also realized that even though I have had a difficult year personally, I have tried my best to still be a good friend, daughter, sister, coworker etc. that I can be to the people I know. I think I managed to do that in some way this year and that makes me feel good.
It sounds cliche but Christmas really isn't about gifts. It is about love and celebrating the birth of Christ. While I go into 2010, I will remember what I have learned and I will practice this daily. Love is what matters most and I will try my best to continue to be the loving person that I know I can be.

Excuse Me??

Last week while at the hair salon sitting under the dryer, I was watching the Oprah Winfrey Show. On this particular episode she was interviewing Robin Givens, who is the ex-wife of heavy weight champion Mike Tyson. During this show, Robin Givens was upset because Oprah Winfrey did not speak up for battered women when Mike Tyson made a reference to wanting to "sock" Robin Givens when discussing their infamous interview with Barbara Walters in the late 80's. Just when Robin Givens began to cry, the woman at the dryer next to me stated, "You know she is a professional actress." I turned my head and said, "Excuse me?" The woman then stated, "She gets paid to act." I then asked her is she didn't believe that Robin Givens was telling the truth. She replied, "I'm not saying I don't believe her, I'm just saying that she is an actress." She then got up and walked away.
In that moment, I had a mix of emotions shoot through me. One emotion was confusion because I hate when people don't clearly state what they mean. She had the opportunity to say yes or no to my question. Either you believe Robin Givens or you don't. Another emotion was anger. I'm not so sure why I became angry but I am going to try to explore it a little. I actually think that when the woman next to me made that statement it was very hateful. It was said with a bit of sarcasm and the look on her face and her body language was that of someone who thinks she has the right to judge other people. I couldn't help but wonder if what she said came out of a place of self-hatred. I cannot imagine having a woman tell me that she has been abused and I not provide her with emotional support. I give every woman the benefit of the doubt because I don't know for sure what they have been through in their relationships. I find that woman's comment to be one of the major contributing factors for why some women get stuck in abusive relationships. The factor is that people don't believe them when they are reaching out for help. I am not an expert on domestic abuse but I am quite sure that for a woman to tell someone about what is happening to her and to then have that person judge her situation, it can be a matter of life and death. She may never share this information with anyone else and risk staying in that abusive relationship for fear that no one will believe her.
I have a part time job doing mental health therapy with young women. None of my clients at this time are over eighteen years old but 2 out of 3 of them have experienced traumatic verbal and physical abuse at the hands of various men in their lives. My job is to guide them and to let them know that they have a safe place to come and share their stories. I also provide them with emotional support to assist them in dealing with the problems from their pasts. I believe them when they tell me their stories because for so long no one listened to them. It makes my heart ache when individuals who have no compassion for others make comments like the one woman made at the salon. I don't know who else heard her and who may now adopt the same attitude about domestic abuse. All I can do at this point is remain supportive and be an advocate for women who are abused. At some point as women we have to learn to be supportive of each other. I hope that time comes sooner rather than later.

A Different World

Last weekend I had the privilege of attending a beautiful wedding in New Orleans, Louisiana. One of my closest friends was in the wedding and everything was great including the weather which reached a beautiful high of 80 degrees that day. The couple that got married both attended a historically black college/university (HBCU) and went on to obtain advanced degrees at other highly respected institutions. The bride is a member of a sorority and the groom is a member of a fraternity, which both hold prominent places within the black community. Towards the end of the reception, the groom and his groomsmen began to pay tribute to their fraternity by singing songs and performing a mini-step show. It was fun watching them and feeling their energy and it gave me a warm feeling inside and reminded me of my college days.
Like the bride and groom, I also attended a historically black university. It is rare that I am invited to weddings where almost the whole wedding party and most of the guests have gone to an HBCU. The feeling was remarkable and inspiring and made me once again appreciate the decision I made to attend my university. I see it as a blessing to be a part of a community of people who share the commonality of attending an HBCU. We all remember the struggles and the strengths of our college days and have similar stories to share about our schools. For the most part, I think that people who have never attended a historically black college or university frown upon the idea and cannot completely grasp the pride that a person has when talking about the specific HBCU they attended. My heart goes out to individuals who have never experienced life at an HBCU because it appears as if they missed out on a tremendous growth opportunity. I really recognized this when I attended graduate school at a predominantly white university and began to meet black undergraduate students who seemed very lost and out of touch with themselves. The one thing I know for sure about attending an HBCU is that it instills in its students a sense of pride about being black that other colleges/universities are not able to do. It is also very comforting to look out on a campus and see reflections of yourself and to meet other people who share some of your same values.
At times, I take my college life for granted and forget what an enriching experience it was on certain levels. I am always grateful when I get good reminders of my past and when I can do a little reflecting about my college days. The wedding I attended provided me with the opportunity of witnessing two people in love make a life long commitment. It also served to remind me of what a lucky person I am to have had the wonderful experiences I have had so far in life. God has blessed me in many ways and making me attend an HBCU was just one way in which He has shown His love for me. There were many schools and many paths that I could have chosen when I was younger. I am grateful that my path crossed with certain individuals and certain schools and I look forward to better and more abundant journeys in the future.

The End Of An Era

About two months ago I wrote a post about Facebook and the lack of intimacy that it provides between individuals. Well, I finally got tired of Facebook and decided to end my relationship with all social networking websites. I just simply became annoyed with all of the nonsense. It was great seeing old classmates and finding people I grew up with in my neighborhood but outside of those moments, I didn't enjoy it much. To be quite honest, I actually found it to be an invasion of my privacy. For those people who do not know me well, I am a VERY private person. I don't share the details of my personal life with many people so for me to be so easily accessible was bothersome. I know I'm not Angelina Jolie or Halle Berry but I do believe that maintaining a certain level of privacy for myself is important. I didn't like the fact that people could look at my pictures and view conversations that I was having with other people. It leaves room for too much interpretation and with my sense of humor, people who do not know me can easily misinterpret what I say.
I also found myself being a bit more intrusive in other people's lives as well. I would get home from work and instead of sitting down and reading a book, I would turn the computer on and immediately begin to shuffle through other people's random vacation pictures, party pics and more. Its not like I'm not interested in what other people are doing in their lives, I just don't think I need to be consumed with it for two hours out of the day. I have literally sat down at 5pm, started looking at Facebook and before I knew it the clock was reading 7pm. That was when I knew I had a problem. I was so involved in other people's lives that I was neglecting my own.
Another big issue for me is that some of the people who were popping up on Facebook were people who I didn't care to know any longer. I am a firm believer that not everyone belongs in my life. When I closed my account, there were many friend requests "pending" and I am so thankful that they will remain in that "pending" area of my life. The fact that I have to keep someone "pending" to be my "friend" speaks volumes to me. Anyway, as I have stated in many of my blogs, I am experiencing a tremendous growth spurt in my life and Facebook was not helping me to focus on myself. I think it did just the opposite and hindered my growth. Now I can come home, read a book and get back to my normally peaceful state of mind. This may not mean a lot to other people, but it means a lot to me. Either way it doesn't matter if others understand it or not. I just know that I feel so much better.

The Death of Customer Service

Last week I was invited out to eat lunch at a new restaurant by a coworker. There were four of us who went to eat and we were really excited to try the food and experience the atmosphere. When we got to the restaurant we were not greeted at the door but rather instructed to find our own seating, which was fine since there were only a few other people eating. (This should have been my first sign.) As we sat down we were "greeted" by a young woman in her early 20s. After looking at the menu for a second, she asked us what we would like to have to drink and my response was Diet Coke. She then proceeds to inform me that the restaurant does not have Diet Coke. I was puzzled because the menu clearly stated Diet Coke. So I asked instead if I could have cranberry juice. I was again told that the restaurant did not have any cranberry juice. After listing one more drink that the restaurant did not have, I was forced to order Sunny Delight, a drink that I have had only one other time in my life when I was maybe 10 years of age.
After 15 minutes of waiting finally my drink arrived...in the bottle. The waitress set a glass down on the table and then walked away. After waiting another 5 minutes and noticing that she did not return, my coworker flagged the waitress down and asked if we could have some ice. She then told us that the restaurant did not have any ice. A restaurant with no ice? Now this was getting a bit ridiculous. After thinking her response over for a second, I finally gave in and just asked for a straw to drink my Sunny D out of the bottle. She leans over the table, rolls her eyes and tells me that the restaurant does not have any straws.
This is when I became annoyed. If it was not for the humiliated look on the co worker's face who invited me out, I would have left that restaurant. Not only was the restaurant not prepared for business but the waitress was rude. I have been to "hole in the wall" restaurants before where I have immensely enjoyed the food and the customer service was great. In fact, there was one restaurant in NY where I went to the restroom and the toilet was underneath the sink so I literally had to bend down to use the bathroom. Even in that place, I had a better time than at this restaurant because the customer service made all of the difference in the world.
Customer service is dying. Just yesterday, I went to the grocery store and the cashier did the whole transaction without saying one word to me. I purposely did not say anything just to see if she was going to say something to me and she didn't. Is it too difficult to say, "hello", "thank you" or "have a great day"? Even if the person doesn't mean it, I would still appreciate if they said it to me. After all, I am paying my money which I'm sure contributes to their pay check. I try not to patronize businesses where the customer service is horrible. I definitely know that I will never again go to that restaurant but with service like that, I don't expect for it to be around much longer anyway.

Am I Bitter?

Yesterday I was at a friend's baby shower, sitting with some of her other close friends. We were discussing various topics including dating, television and our careers. Most of us had not seen each other since my friend's wedding in 2007 so we were happy to see each other again and catch up. At one point during our conversation, another person walked up to the table and began to provide information about what has been happening in her life over the past two years. She then began to ask everyone at the table for an update and they gladly provided it to her. When she got to me, I shared with her that I started a new job about six months ago and I told her some other events as well. She then states, "You got a new job! Why didn't you put that on facebook?" I immediately looked at her with a puzzled expression on my face and I explained that I don't share information of the nature on facebook.
I'm wondering when facebook became the substitute for face to face conversations. At some point I fear that people are going to begin placing their wedding invitations on facebook as a way to save money. Unfortunately, I do believe that many people use social networking sites as a way to share good news with close friends. I like facebook but I become highly annoyed with people who make a status update about every single move they make throughout the day. I don't need to know that you are brushing your teeth or that you are headed to the nail salon. Am I being bitter or just getting old? I would rather have my friends call me and we can talk about our daily lives like normal people. I'm sure most people won't agree with my views because facebook has become a convenient way of life. I still like to receive hand written notes in the mail and I get excited when I see a card addressed to me for a special occasion. It takes a lot of effort nowadays for someone to travel to the post office and mail a letter and I appreciate that effort. Anyway, before I go off on a rant I would just like to say that nothing can beat talking on the phone or having a good lunch with a great friend. You can't get that kind of intimacy on facebook. You just can't.

A Simple Concept

About a week ago I walked into the nail salon and as usual I am greeted cheerfully by Peter, the manager of the salon. He gestured for me to sit in his chair and he begins my manicure. Almost as soon as I sit down, Peter begins to sing and he has this delightful look all over his face. His singing continued for about 10 minutes and at times he seemed as though he was singing to me! That is when I realized that I have been going to this same salon for about one year and every time I get my service, Peter is in a better mood each time I see him. When I thought about this, I looked up, gazed at him and said, "Peter, are you always in a good mood?" He immediately looks at me with this puzzled look and asks, "What do you mean?" I then said, "Are you always happy?" Again, he looks at me and says, "Yes! Why not?"
What a simple concept. Yes. Why wouldn't I be happy? The way he responded made me feel foolish. I sat there and wondered what compelled me to ask such a question. Maybe it's because I don't often run into people who are happy every day or maybe it's because I'm not in a particularly happy state of mind. I'm not sure. All I know is that what he said made a lot of sense to me. Why I would question happiness seems absurd. I know I can deduce a lot from his answer but I learned one major thing: I don't want to be in such a negative space that I have to question someone else's joy. For me that is the biggest lesson.

The Lesson

As I have mentioned in a previous post the past year has been very emotionally trying for me. My professional career was turned upside down and as a result many other areas of my life were affected by that occurrence. During the time when I was experiencing close to the worst part of my professional life, I knew that my faith in God had to be strengthened. My daily meditations became more purposeful and I began having much more in depth conversations with God about what was happening in my life. At this time, I was in an unhealthy work environment, my supervisor was unstable and lacked moral fiber and it felt as if the company I worked for had been placed under a satanic spell. I have never before been in the midst of such evil. It is difficult to explain everything that I witnessed and experienced but I do know that it rocked the foundation of my being and I am not the same person I was prior to accepting employment at that company. I was plagued with instability when I left that job and I knew that it was going to take a while to regain focus and gather the pieces of myself that were shattered. I have been grappling with trying to find the lesson for me with that experience and I have been unsuccessful in doing so. There are many professional "lessons" I have learned in terms of handling budgets, reading legal documents etc., but nothing that has built my character. In fact, I think it may have done the opposite.
I left that job in March and bouncing back has not been easy for me. I have days when I am happy and days when I am extremely irritable. I have already assessed myself for depression and I fit none of the diagnostic criteria. (At least then I would have had an excuse for my madness.) I am working on maintaining my boundaries with work and people as well. I sometimes feel as if I am going to stop functioning altogether because at times, I have nothing else to give people. I am physically and mentally exhausted and I am very aware of this issue. Just last week, I was beating up on myself because I know the person I used to be and I want her back badly. Then I decided to place my negative emotions to the side and do my bi-monthly budgeting exercises as a way to avoid the issue. When I looked down at the calendar, I was amazed. It was only August. August! That's when I realized that I may not be crazy. It has only been 5 months since I left that job and here I am questioning why I'm not the person I used to be. I hadn't even thought about giving myself time to heal from such a tumultuous year. I guess I expected that I would recover quickly from a job that drained me so terribly but it just isn't possible. I spend my days and some nights encouraging clients to take a minute for themselves and try to find peace and I'm not practicing that in my own life right now.
So what I have decided to do is just take my time. I can't give myself away to people or things that do not give me pleasure anymore. I simply cannot do it. I need time to rejuvenate myself and get back on track with my purpose. I wouldn't be surprised if I discover the lesson that God has been trying to teach me when I surrender and relax into what I am feeling. The true beginning of my healing process took place when I went to AZ on a spa trip with my friends in July. I began to feel a piece of myself come back and I was very happy. I look forward to seeing what the next 5 to 6 months has to offer me in terms of growth. I am not at the best place now but I pray that I feel better soon. I hope to emerge with renewed strength and I eagerly anticipate finding the lesson in the center of this chaotic time.

Filth.Flarn.Filth.

I don't have many issues in life that I struggle with but there is one habit that I possess which causes me some concern from time to time. Some people smoke cigarettes, other people are obsessed with pornography but my vice is the use of profanity. Don't get me wrong, when I say that I am concerned about it, this doesn't mean that I have the desire to stop. I just wonder if it is wrong. As I stated, I don't abuse my body by injecting it with drugs and I would not qualify myself as having an addictive personality but there is something about using profanity that just feels SO good.
I always tell people that if I could smoke cigarettes, I would do it in a heartbeat. Smokers seem to blow all of the aggravation of the day away when they exhale and that puff of smoke is released. What I wouldn't give to experience that feeling. I think I come pretty close to that when I let the occasional "F" word flow from my mouth and I get excited because I have expressed myself completely. I am very careful not to curse around my parents, children or older people. Only around friends and those who I know will not be offended by it. I get amused when I am with certain friends who feel the same as I do about using profanity because we understand each other and no offense is taken when we call each other derogatory names. In fact, I think that's how we show our loving but sordid affection for each other.
I have had the discussion about curbing my use of profanity with my sister in the past and she is totally against it. She believes in freedom of expression and if that is how I want to express myself, then so be it. Of course I have heard other people's opinions about using profanity and someone even told me that it is not "lady like". Unfortunately, that person didn't know me well enough to realize that she actually encouraged me to become more profane. (I couldn't care less about what is perceived as "lady like" but that's a whole other blog topic.) I honestly don't think that there is anything wrong with profanity as long as you are respecting others around you. Yes, there are days when I turn the radio off because the content of some music is a bit too vulgar for me. Then there are other days when I can listen to Biggie and recite his lyrics verse by verse. It all depends on how I'm feeling. Is it wrong to curse? I have no idea, but until I'm convinced that something is wrong with using profanity, I'm going to keep on doing it.

Bye bye baby...

One of my dearest friends gave birth to twins last Friday. They are adorable and are the perfect set, a boy and a girl. I have seen them twice this week and each time I held them, they became cuter. After holding them for a little while, I became reflective as I usually do. When I think about it, I always see my friends as spontaneous, fun and carefree. They are the people I call at the last minute when I want to take a quick trip to New York to buy clothes. They are also the ones I stay up with on the phone talking about nonsense into the wee hours of the morning and giggling like little girls. I like having that sense of freedom with some of my friends because there is no feeling like it in the world.
I often wonder if that feeling will end. To be honest, it is sad to think about for me and causes me a lot of anxiety. When a woman has children there are many more important things in life to think about than jetting off to buy new clothes, right? With each year another friend of mine gets married and/or has a baby. I am always sincerely happy for them and try to support them in any way I can. Although I possess a tremendous feeling of joy for them, I cannot help but to think about how how this will affect their lives and mine. I know that last part sounds a bit selfish but its true.
As I am sitting here writing, I am going through my mental Rolodex of friends and thinking about how our interactions have changed with each other over the years as they have either gotten married or had children. Its interesting because I am realizing that with some of them, our relationships have actually strengthened while only a few have become weaker. It appears as though it depends on the person going through the experience. I think I'm onto something... What I'm discovering is that this is a very personal experience and a woman can choose how she balances her life. Some of my friends have been very successful at balancing their social lives and taking time for themselves, while others are not so good at it. I don't want to come across as biased against women who choose not to have the occasional lunch with their friends and who desire to spend all day with their children. If that is her choice then I am fine with it. Unfortunately, I do think this leads to a feeling of seclusion for the woman who does this with her time. I believe that it is very important to take time out for yourself to speak with a trusted friend, go to the spa or even take yourself out to lunch for a breather especially when you are a wife and a mother. It gives life perspective and new meaning and one gets to THINK independently. What a wonderful feeling!
In the end what I have determined is that every woman does what is best for her and her situation. I do wish that some of my friends would come up for air every so often because I miss them but for the most part my friends have done a good job at maintaining a balanced life style. I enjoy their children and I think they are all lovely little people. I do look forward to joining my friends someday in their wifely and motherly duties but when the time comes, if I ever refuse a trip to the spa then you know something is wrong. At this time, I am requesting that you contact the nearest psychiatric ward because I am definitely losing it. I am well aware that everyone gets out of balance every now and then but me turning down a trip to the spa?? NEVER!

Venus?

I always thought that as we get older we become wiser, bolder and more liberated in every sense of the word. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm wrong. For the most part, I have enjoyed growing up and stepping into new experiences. I have shed some old perspectives on life and gained some new ones. I have been going through a lot of growing pains lately and wondering where my life is going to end up. What's in store for me as the years go by? Of course I don't have the answer to this question so I look at older women's lives to try and gage how they feel and what life experiences they've had. I don't look at celebrities but rather at real women that I know. So far my most interesting observation surrounds the topic of sex. Allow me to share with you what I have learned so far.
At my job, there tends to be good banter in the morning between those of us who sit in the back of the office. Our ages range from the early 30s to the mid 50s. We discuss politics, current events and recently the topic of sex has been coming into the conversation a lot more often. One of my coworkers is a woman in her mid 50s and she is interested in dating again. She often discusses dates she's been on and the types of men she meets in the park. When asked more probing questions about her relationships, she completely shuts down. It's as if the topic of sex is taboo and not allowed in her brain. At one point she began to wave her hands in the air like she was calling on some deity for assistance with the topic. When confronted about her odd behavior she began talking as if sex was some far away star in the galaxy. It was all too weird for me and baffling.

I thought as we got older we were supposed to let go of some of our inhibitions and be free. If you want a man, you're supposed to just go and get him! (insert tiger growl here) Am I wrong? Maybe. I thought that sex and intimacy over 50 was fabulous. That's what Oprah said and I believed her. I have not learned a lot so far about this concept. I wonder if my coworker represents the majority of women out here in their 50s and how they feel about intimacy. I have some more observing to do but so far I'm not impressed. I'll keep you posted. Until next time...

Our Father

For the past couple of days there has been a theme that has taken place in most of my conversations with various individuals. I haven't done anything to provoke these exchanges but yet they seem to arise. Last week, I was talking with a coworker over lunch and I stopped to say grace before I began to eat. I did the sign of the cross and commenced to try to enjoy my food. My coworker stopped and asked, "You're Catholic?" I replied yes and I could immediately tell where this conversation was going by the look on her face. Then she says, "My father told me that you guys don't believe in Jesus, right?" This wasn't so much of a question as it was a statement. Although I was annoyed, I proceeded to provide a small lesson on Catholicism for her. I don't know if I was more annoyed that this was an almost 50 year old woman who was just ordained as a minister or that my lunch was being interrupted for this topic. Later on that week, I had two separate but similar conversations with friends about Catholicism and what was understood about it.
The topic of religion never gets me excited or frustrated only because I know that some people are so strong in their convictions that its impossible to discuss anything with them. What bothers me is that most people only understand certain religions by what other people have told them. They don't take the initiative to research other belief systems and come to a different level of understanding about them. Unfortunately, I know that many churchgoers take the words of their pastors, priests, rabbis etc. as the ultimate truth. This thought process is very irritating to me because people who hold high positions in religious institutions can have biases and misinformation as well. I have met way too many people in my life who quote their pastors as if he/she has a book written in the Bible.
My belief in the Trinity is strong but I also take the time to learn about other religions as well. Just because someone isn't a Christian doesn't mean that they are not loved by God and are damned to a life of misery but I know there are others who feel differently. Just today, I was visiting with a patient who is very near death and a volunteer from my company was present during my assessment. We were discussing all of the stories the patient used to tell and what a sweet person she is to be around. All of a sudden, the volunteer became very serious, leans in while staring into my eyes and says, "she's a good Christian woman and deserves prayer." So...if she was a Buddhist and lived a wayward life, she wouldn't be deserving of any spiritual intervention? I never understand statements like these from so called "religious" people because I find them to be awkward and strange. I also find the people who make those statements to be awkward and strange as well. In fact, in that moment I actually thought that the volunteer was going to start smacking me in my face with her Bible pamphlet like Margaret White in the movie Carrie. My eyes quickly scanned the room to look for a broom closet and then I realized that I was in a safe place.
I know that religion provides structure and guidance for some people but I wish it wasn't taken as seriously. The underlying concept of the religions I have studied so far has been love. I'm not sure that a person's religion is going to be relevant at the end of of their journey. I think that how we treat people and use ourselves for good will be far more important. With this being said, I hope that we all take the time to educate ourselves about different cultures and belief systems. We shouldn't take ideas and adopt them as our own without fully understanding them. Flexibility of the mind and heart is priceless and we can all learn from each others differences.

Just Kickin' It

I attended a social work training today about Qigong and how to use it with ourselves as practitioners and with our clients. During this training, the instructor had us do several relaxing body exercises and helped us to focus on our breathing. It was very useful information and I look forward to putting the techniques into practice in the near future. At one point during the training, we were being guided through a relaxation technique while sitting in our chairs, arms relaxed, spine straightened and feet pressed firmly on the floor when my mind began to wander. I know this internal struggle is a part of the meditative process and the point is to refocus my energy back into the exercise but I indulged myself for a little bit.
I began to think about how much vibrational energy is in each one of us as human beings. In that moment I began to feel a sense of compassion for many things, specifically myself. I started to evaluate whether or not recent decisions I made were healthy and beneficial for me. I also began to reflect on some of the statements that the instructor made during the first part of the class. He stated that the food we eat and the air we breath affects our energy. I immediately thought about the sandwich I had from Arby's earlier this week and how much bad energy it probably contained. He also stated that during these exercises, the body will have several responses to letting go and you can easily tell when an area is congested and needs to be released from stress. I found that to be an amazing concept because during most of these exercises, my neck and my shoulders were throbbing.
I couldn't afford to allow myself to daydream much longer but I did make a conscious decision to remember to research Qigong more and see how it could possibly help me further develop my spirituality. I also pledged to be more vigilant about what I eat and to take the time to make healthier food choices. At times, the temptation to eat junk food is so strong that I feel like my will power is being tested. I also wondered how many people in the room were thinking the same thing I was at the moment. How many of the twenty three learners were focused in on this experience and using it for their well being as opposed to just getting continuing education credits? Difficult to tell. So I shook off my string of thoughts and refocused my energy and completed the exercise feeling refreshed and clear headed. Just when it was time to sit back down and learn some more, I hear the familiar rustle of a plastic bag. I look to my right and the old lady next to me who now has white specks of food on her mouth asks, "you want a chip?"
Alas, my answer: twenty two of us.

I See Dead People

As a social worker, I have had many interesting jobs over the span of my professional career. I've worked in the juvenile system, I've had jobs in schools and I have given myself over to the area of mental health completely. I have enjoyed almost every position I've held so far. Some have come as a challenge while others have been very easy for me. Over the past year, I have faced some struggles in my career that I am still currently trying to sort out. I have been angry, sad and at times frustrated about some of the ups and downs I've experienced. After searching for a while, back in March of this year I was offered a job that I would have never pictured myself doing. It's in the medical field and yes it allows me to help people which is what I love doing, but it involved working for a hospice.
When I think of the word hospice the images of flowers and candy don't automatically come to my mind. Instead I picture white sheets , metal instruments and of course, death. Hospice was the place where they put my beloved Gaga (my babysitter when I was a child) when the doctors couldn't do anything else for her. All I remember thinking was that she was going to die in that facility. Needless to say, I didn't know a lot about hospice but I opened myself up to the experience and said yes to the position because I wanted to learn something new.
During the past few months, I have had two experiences where I have been in the room when a patient has died. The first time it happened I was shocked because I had never witnessed anyone die before. When I saw that patient expire, I was filled with many questions about death and dying but didn't quite know how to articulate what I was feeling. The second time it happened, which was a couple of days ago, the primary question that swirled in my mind was if the patient was really there in spirit when she passed away. After observing her labored breathing for a little while and calling her name in an attempt to get a response, I realized that the answer was no. That woman left her body long before her breathing had stopped. It was like looking into an empty shell or gazing at a wax figure in a museum. Her eyes were completely empty when I looked into them and I could tell that she didn't see me even though they were open. I was so convinced that she had already left this realm that I called the family so that they could come and say goodbye. Sure enough when the family came, the woman stopped breathing ten minutes after their arrival. Whoever she was in spirit had made it's peace with this earth and went wherever it was going.
The mystery of death actually hit me in that moment. Not in a bad way but in a good way. I wondered where she went. Was she standing there watching us and giggling as one of the nurses commented about how pretty her complexion was? I don't know. I do know that when I said my silent prayer for her soul to rest in peace, I felt better about her death almost instantly. It's not like I knew her but I felt sympathy for her family. After I left the facility, I had a talk with my sister and I shared with her what I had just witnessed with that patient. After telling me that I needed to get a new job, my sister said that one of her friend's observed the same emptiness when her brother passed away. She didn't think he was in his body either at the time of his actual death. I found this to be confirmation to what I already suspected even though I had no proof. I will never know the answer to my question but it's worthy of some reflection. I guess there are a lot of questions in life that go unanswered and that's one of them.
All in all, working at this job has given me a new perspective on life. Its made me appreciate my health and has encouraged me to live life to the fullest. I have even stopped worrying and being frustrated about a lot of issues that used to bother me before. The most interesting part is that I have developed a pretty sharp eye for spotting the signs of imminent death. I couldn't brag about that quality before but now I can.( I'll have to remember to add that to my resume.) With every job I have, I learn a lot about myself and use it to my advantage. With this job, I am learning a lot about the medical field and other useful information regarding patient care. In fact, just the other day in a meeting, the medical director commented that he wanted to teach each one of us how to feel a patient's stomach to tell if he/she is constipated. The instant he uttered those words I received a quick answer to another question that was swirling around in my head: YES. My sister was right, I need to find a new job.

The Camelback Inn

Back in May, I attended a close friend's graduation party at her home in Waldorf, MD. At this party I was introduced to one of her coworkers and we all began discussing our love for going to the spa for massages and body treatments. By the end of the night after discussing various spas we all decided that we were going to travel to Arizona to experience one of the state's many spas. As we were walking to our cars, we left the party stating that we were going to stay in touch and make plans to have that girls weekend in Arizona very soon. As I departed, I was thinking how great it would be if all of us could really go to Arizona together and treat ourselves to a wonderful weekend. Although in the back of my mind, I was also thinking that we are all so busy that the likelihood of this trip happening any time soon was probably unrealistic. I'm so glad I was wrong.
By the end of the next week, we had secured a date for the trip, chosen a spa and agreed to make this a reality. I have never seen a turn around so fast among a group of women regarding one simple idea to get away for some rest and relaxation. Usually with something like this, there is conflict about schedules, budgets and various other factors, but not in this case. We chose to stay at the Camelback Inn, A JW Marriott Resort and Spa at the end of July. So after weeks of preparing and scheduling our various treatments, we were on our way!
The flight to Arizona was long, which was expected but well worth it in my opinion. When we arrived we were given a free upgrade on the car rental and the ride to the resort was beautiful!

All of the mountains had a reddish brown coloring but all of the trees (primarily cacti) were an earthy green. Our check-in went smoothly and the staff was very friendly. After going to our rooms, which were very spacious (and also came equipped with a kitchenette) we then decided to explore Scottsdale for a while. We went to the casino, grabbed some food and went back to the hotel to rest up for our glorious day at the spa beginning the next morning.
On Saturday we arrived at the spa for our treatments, were given a tour of the facilities and then escorted to a lovely waiting area. We were surrounded by women in white robes awaiting their day of bliss and we could not have been happier. I chose to get the Desert Rain Loofah body treatment first, which was fantastic. I was scrubbed and lathered with all sorts of great smelling salts and oils and then showered with warm water. After that treatment, I was ready for my aromatherapy massage. This was the first time I had ever had a man as a masseuse, so I was interested in what the difference was going to feel like. Needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised. I actually fell asleep and caught myself snoring on the table twice during my massage! He was one of the best massage therapists I have ever had at any spa. After my massage, I decided to eat lunch, which consisted of a sandwich and a salad that had a mix of cranberries, goat cheese, and walnuts. The rest of the afternoon was full of relaxing by the pool but experiencing the torture which is the Arizona sun. It was HOT outside and the only relief I could get was to stay in the pool for most of the day. The conversation was fun with the group of women I was with and it was a very relaxing day overall.
Sunday came and it was time to leave Arizona. We were all having difficulty saying goodbye to such a beautiful place that offered us much peace and contentment over the past couple of days. The last pictures of us were taken at various locations on the grounds and we had a goodbye bowl of guacamole at the R Bar at the hotel. (If I wrote about the food on this trip, I would never finish this blog entry.) We went off to the casino once more to try our luck and then it was time to board the plane home. Although we knew the trip had to end, we were not quite prepared. Leaving Arizona was bittersweet. We wanted to get home to our friends and family but we didn't want to leave such peace and tranquility behind.
The best part about this trip to me, is that we did it. So often women are trapped at work or bogged down with the busy details of family responsibilities that we forget that we are worthy of such escapes. There is something very empowering about traveling to a new destination, getting lost in my own world and being completely focused on myself. I appreciate the fact that I have a job that can fund experiences such as this one. I am grateful for the beauty of the earth that God has given us and I am always delighted when I can seize opportunities and live them to the fullest. This trip was one of the best I have ever taken and I look forward to many more like this one. I am thankful to the group of women I went with and who shared in this experience with me. To Ramonda, LaTonya and Elan: the girl talk was fun and I look forward to doing it again very soon!
Thank you all!

Greetings and Salutations!

Licensed to Release is a blog created by a seeker of joy and abundance. This blog was designed to allow the writer and participants to appreciate the simple things in life. The topics on my blog can range from traveling and documenting my feelings/observations about the experience to watching a documentary and providing my feedback on the subject matter. There are no limits to life so therefore there are no limits to this blog. With every experience whether good or bad there is the opportunity to learn something if one takes the time to sit back and reflect without judgment. This blog is titled Licensed to Release because sometimes I get so caught up in the frustrations of life that I forget that I have several outlets to let go of that negative energy. Whether its photography, journaling or just talking to a friend on the phone, I am licensed to release my feelings in anyway I please and I forget that concept at times. So with that being said, I invite you to participate in some aspects of my life and release yourself as well. I truly believe that I live an enchanted life and I am grateful for all the wonderful experiences that come my way. I think that all of us should take more time to meditate on what we have been given on earth and give thanks every day despite our troubles. Life is about living to the fullest and finding love in our toughest moments. I hope this blog will help me to focus on that idea and encourage you to do the same. I'm so excited and happy about this experience! Peace.