The Death of Customer Service

Last week I was invited out to eat lunch at a new restaurant by a coworker. There were four of us who went to eat and we were really excited to try the food and experience the atmosphere. When we got to the restaurant we were not greeted at the door but rather instructed to find our own seating, which was fine since there were only a few other people eating. (This should have been my first sign.) As we sat down we were "greeted" by a young woman in her early 20s. After looking at the menu for a second, she asked us what we would like to have to drink and my response was Diet Coke. She then proceeds to inform me that the restaurant does not have Diet Coke. I was puzzled because the menu clearly stated Diet Coke. So I asked instead if I could have cranberry juice. I was again told that the restaurant did not have any cranberry juice. After listing one more drink that the restaurant did not have, I was forced to order Sunny Delight, a drink that I have had only one other time in my life when I was maybe 10 years of age.
After 15 minutes of waiting finally my drink arrived...in the bottle. The waitress set a glass down on the table and then walked away. After waiting another 5 minutes and noticing that she did not return, my coworker flagged the waitress down and asked if we could have some ice. She then told us that the restaurant did not have any ice. A restaurant with no ice? Now this was getting a bit ridiculous. After thinking her response over for a second, I finally gave in and just asked for a straw to drink my Sunny D out of the bottle. She leans over the table, rolls her eyes and tells me that the restaurant does not have any straws.
This is when I became annoyed. If it was not for the humiliated look on the co worker's face who invited me out, I would have left that restaurant. Not only was the restaurant not prepared for business but the waitress was rude. I have been to "hole in the wall" restaurants before where I have immensely enjoyed the food and the customer service was great. In fact, there was one restaurant in NY where I went to the restroom and the toilet was underneath the sink so I literally had to bend down to use the bathroom. Even in that place, I had a better time than at this restaurant because the customer service made all of the difference in the world.
Customer service is dying. Just yesterday, I went to the grocery store and the cashier did the whole transaction without saying one word to me. I purposely did not say anything just to see if she was going to say something to me and she didn't. Is it too difficult to say, "hello", "thank you" or "have a great day"? Even if the person doesn't mean it, I would still appreciate if they said it to me. After all, I am paying my money which I'm sure contributes to their pay check. I try not to patronize businesses where the customer service is horrible. I definitely know that I will never again go to that restaurant but with service like that, I don't expect for it to be around much longer anyway.

Am I Bitter?

Yesterday I was at a friend's baby shower, sitting with some of her other close friends. We were discussing various topics including dating, television and our careers. Most of us had not seen each other since my friend's wedding in 2007 so we were happy to see each other again and catch up. At one point during our conversation, another person walked up to the table and began to provide information about what has been happening in her life over the past two years. She then began to ask everyone at the table for an update and they gladly provided it to her. When she got to me, I shared with her that I started a new job about six months ago and I told her some other events as well. She then states, "You got a new job! Why didn't you put that on facebook?" I immediately looked at her with a puzzled expression on my face and I explained that I don't share information of the nature on facebook.
I'm wondering when facebook became the substitute for face to face conversations. At some point I fear that people are going to begin placing their wedding invitations on facebook as a way to save money. Unfortunately, I do believe that many people use social networking sites as a way to share good news with close friends. I like facebook but I become highly annoyed with people who make a status update about every single move they make throughout the day. I don't need to know that you are brushing your teeth or that you are headed to the nail salon. Am I being bitter or just getting old? I would rather have my friends call me and we can talk about our daily lives like normal people. I'm sure most people won't agree with my views because facebook has become a convenient way of life. I still like to receive hand written notes in the mail and I get excited when I see a card addressed to me for a special occasion. It takes a lot of effort nowadays for someone to travel to the post office and mail a letter and I appreciate that effort. Anyway, before I go off on a rant I would just like to say that nothing can beat talking on the phone or having a good lunch with a great friend. You can't get that kind of intimacy on facebook. You just can't.

A Simple Concept

About a week ago I walked into the nail salon and as usual I am greeted cheerfully by Peter, the manager of the salon. He gestured for me to sit in his chair and he begins my manicure. Almost as soon as I sit down, Peter begins to sing and he has this delightful look all over his face. His singing continued for about 10 minutes and at times he seemed as though he was singing to me! That is when I realized that I have been going to this same salon for about one year and every time I get my service, Peter is in a better mood each time I see him. When I thought about this, I looked up, gazed at him and said, "Peter, are you always in a good mood?" He immediately looks at me with this puzzled look and asks, "What do you mean?" I then said, "Are you always happy?" Again, he looks at me and says, "Yes! Why not?"
What a simple concept. Yes. Why wouldn't I be happy? The way he responded made me feel foolish. I sat there and wondered what compelled me to ask such a question. Maybe it's because I don't often run into people who are happy every day or maybe it's because I'm not in a particularly happy state of mind. I'm not sure. All I know is that what he said made a lot of sense to me. Why I would question happiness seems absurd. I know I can deduce a lot from his answer but I learned one major thing: I don't want to be in such a negative space that I have to question someone else's joy. For me that is the biggest lesson.

The Lesson

As I have mentioned in a previous post the past year has been very emotionally trying for me. My professional career was turned upside down and as a result many other areas of my life were affected by that occurrence. During the time when I was experiencing close to the worst part of my professional life, I knew that my faith in God had to be strengthened. My daily meditations became more purposeful and I began having much more in depth conversations with God about what was happening in my life. At this time, I was in an unhealthy work environment, my supervisor was unstable and lacked moral fiber and it felt as if the company I worked for had been placed under a satanic spell. I have never before been in the midst of such evil. It is difficult to explain everything that I witnessed and experienced but I do know that it rocked the foundation of my being and I am not the same person I was prior to accepting employment at that company. I was plagued with instability when I left that job and I knew that it was going to take a while to regain focus and gather the pieces of myself that were shattered. I have been grappling with trying to find the lesson for me with that experience and I have been unsuccessful in doing so. There are many professional "lessons" I have learned in terms of handling budgets, reading legal documents etc., but nothing that has built my character. In fact, I think it may have done the opposite.
I left that job in March and bouncing back has not been easy for me. I have days when I am happy and days when I am extremely irritable. I have already assessed myself for depression and I fit none of the diagnostic criteria. (At least then I would have had an excuse for my madness.) I am working on maintaining my boundaries with work and people as well. I sometimes feel as if I am going to stop functioning altogether because at times, I have nothing else to give people. I am physically and mentally exhausted and I am very aware of this issue. Just last week, I was beating up on myself because I know the person I used to be and I want her back badly. Then I decided to place my negative emotions to the side and do my bi-monthly budgeting exercises as a way to avoid the issue. When I looked down at the calendar, I was amazed. It was only August. August! That's when I realized that I may not be crazy. It has only been 5 months since I left that job and here I am questioning why I'm not the person I used to be. I hadn't even thought about giving myself time to heal from such a tumultuous year. I guess I expected that I would recover quickly from a job that drained me so terribly but it just isn't possible. I spend my days and some nights encouraging clients to take a minute for themselves and try to find peace and I'm not practicing that in my own life right now.
So what I have decided to do is just take my time. I can't give myself away to people or things that do not give me pleasure anymore. I simply cannot do it. I need time to rejuvenate myself and get back on track with my purpose. I wouldn't be surprised if I discover the lesson that God has been trying to teach me when I surrender and relax into what I am feeling. The true beginning of my healing process took place when I went to AZ on a spa trip with my friends in July. I began to feel a piece of myself come back and I was very happy. I look forward to seeing what the next 5 to 6 months has to offer me in terms of growth. I am not at the best place now but I pray that I feel better soon. I hope to emerge with renewed strength and I eagerly anticipate finding the lesson in the center of this chaotic time.

Filth.Flarn.Filth.

I don't have many issues in life that I struggle with but there is one habit that I possess which causes me some concern from time to time. Some people smoke cigarettes, other people are obsessed with pornography but my vice is the use of profanity. Don't get me wrong, when I say that I am concerned about it, this doesn't mean that I have the desire to stop. I just wonder if it is wrong. As I stated, I don't abuse my body by injecting it with drugs and I would not qualify myself as having an addictive personality but there is something about using profanity that just feels SO good.
I always tell people that if I could smoke cigarettes, I would do it in a heartbeat. Smokers seem to blow all of the aggravation of the day away when they exhale and that puff of smoke is released. What I wouldn't give to experience that feeling. I think I come pretty close to that when I let the occasional "F" word flow from my mouth and I get excited because I have expressed myself completely. I am very careful not to curse around my parents, children or older people. Only around friends and those who I know will not be offended by it. I get amused when I am with certain friends who feel the same as I do about using profanity because we understand each other and no offense is taken when we call each other derogatory names. In fact, I think that's how we show our loving but sordid affection for each other.
I have had the discussion about curbing my use of profanity with my sister in the past and she is totally against it. She believes in freedom of expression and if that is how I want to express myself, then so be it. Of course I have heard other people's opinions about using profanity and someone even told me that it is not "lady like". Unfortunately, that person didn't know me well enough to realize that she actually encouraged me to become more profane. (I couldn't care less about what is perceived as "lady like" but that's a whole other blog topic.) I honestly don't think that there is anything wrong with profanity as long as you are respecting others around you. Yes, there are days when I turn the radio off because the content of some music is a bit too vulgar for me. Then there are other days when I can listen to Biggie and recite his lyrics verse by verse. It all depends on how I'm feeling. Is it wrong to curse? I have no idea, but until I'm convinced that something is wrong with using profanity, I'm going to keep on doing it.

Bye bye baby...

One of my dearest friends gave birth to twins last Friday. They are adorable and are the perfect set, a boy and a girl. I have seen them twice this week and each time I held them, they became cuter. After holding them for a little while, I became reflective as I usually do. When I think about it, I always see my friends as spontaneous, fun and carefree. They are the people I call at the last minute when I want to take a quick trip to New York to buy clothes. They are also the ones I stay up with on the phone talking about nonsense into the wee hours of the morning and giggling like little girls. I like having that sense of freedom with some of my friends because there is no feeling like it in the world.
I often wonder if that feeling will end. To be honest, it is sad to think about for me and causes me a lot of anxiety. When a woman has children there are many more important things in life to think about than jetting off to buy new clothes, right? With each year another friend of mine gets married and/or has a baby. I am always sincerely happy for them and try to support them in any way I can. Although I possess a tremendous feeling of joy for them, I cannot help but to think about how how this will affect their lives and mine. I know that last part sounds a bit selfish but its true.
As I am sitting here writing, I am going through my mental Rolodex of friends and thinking about how our interactions have changed with each other over the years as they have either gotten married or had children. Its interesting because I am realizing that with some of them, our relationships have actually strengthened while only a few have become weaker. It appears as though it depends on the person going through the experience. I think I'm onto something... What I'm discovering is that this is a very personal experience and a woman can choose how she balances her life. Some of my friends have been very successful at balancing their social lives and taking time for themselves, while others are not so good at it. I don't want to come across as biased against women who choose not to have the occasional lunch with their friends and who desire to spend all day with their children. If that is her choice then I am fine with it. Unfortunately, I do think this leads to a feeling of seclusion for the woman who does this with her time. I believe that it is very important to take time out for yourself to speak with a trusted friend, go to the spa or even take yourself out to lunch for a breather especially when you are a wife and a mother. It gives life perspective and new meaning and one gets to THINK independently. What a wonderful feeling!
In the end what I have determined is that every woman does what is best for her and her situation. I do wish that some of my friends would come up for air every so often because I miss them but for the most part my friends have done a good job at maintaining a balanced life style. I enjoy their children and I think they are all lovely little people. I do look forward to joining my friends someday in their wifely and motherly duties but when the time comes, if I ever refuse a trip to the spa then you know something is wrong. At this time, I am requesting that you contact the nearest psychiatric ward because I am definitely losing it. I am well aware that everyone gets out of balance every now and then but me turning down a trip to the spa?? NEVER!

Venus?

I always thought that as we get older we become wiser, bolder and more liberated in every sense of the word. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm wrong. For the most part, I have enjoyed growing up and stepping into new experiences. I have shed some old perspectives on life and gained some new ones. I have been going through a lot of growing pains lately and wondering where my life is going to end up. What's in store for me as the years go by? Of course I don't have the answer to this question so I look at older women's lives to try and gage how they feel and what life experiences they've had. I don't look at celebrities but rather at real women that I know. So far my most interesting observation surrounds the topic of sex. Allow me to share with you what I have learned so far.
At my job, there tends to be good banter in the morning between those of us who sit in the back of the office. Our ages range from the early 30s to the mid 50s. We discuss politics, current events and recently the topic of sex has been coming into the conversation a lot more often. One of my coworkers is a woman in her mid 50s and she is interested in dating again. She often discusses dates she's been on and the types of men she meets in the park. When asked more probing questions about her relationships, she completely shuts down. It's as if the topic of sex is taboo and not allowed in her brain. At one point she began to wave her hands in the air like she was calling on some deity for assistance with the topic. When confronted about her odd behavior she began talking as if sex was some far away star in the galaxy. It was all too weird for me and baffling.

I thought as we got older we were supposed to let go of some of our inhibitions and be free. If you want a man, you're supposed to just go and get him! (insert tiger growl here) Am I wrong? Maybe. I thought that sex and intimacy over 50 was fabulous. That's what Oprah said and I believed her. I have not learned a lot so far about this concept. I wonder if my coworker represents the majority of women out here in their 50s and how they feel about intimacy. I have some more observing to do but so far I'm not impressed. I'll keep you posted. Until next time...