Mirror Mirror On the Wall...

I recently went to my dermatologist after about six months of not going. When I got into the office I was greeted by her friendly staff, opened my book and sat down. After being soothed by the jazz music playing in her waiting area, my name was called. I was escorted to my room by her assistant, Deniece who is always kind and pleasant to me. When I got to the examination room, Deniece looked at me and says, "It is so nice to see you. Its been a long time but you still look good, no wrinkles or anything!" I paused and put down my zen-like book to reflect on her last sentence. Ummm...I'm in my early 30's, am I supposed to have wrinkles? And what exactly did she mean by I "still" look good?
I remember an episode on The Cosby Show (yes, I'm talking about it again) when Claire was turning 46 and people kept telling her she "still" looked good. She became irritated by this statement and now I understand why. I am far from 46 and I'm already getting these comments. I have always loved birthdays and I am enchanted with the idea of getting older but if I have to hear this type of nonsense I may become a bitter old lady. Imagine walking into a dentist office at my age and the hygienist going, "Wow...you still have your own teeth?" (Insert puzzled face here.)
Anyway, I graciously accepted her comment and moved on with my day but I just thought it was a funny thing for her to say. I just took it as though my dermatologist, who I call "The Wizard" is doing her job well. That's my positive spin on this story and I'm sticking to it. I will keep you posted on the impending deterioration of my face as time goes on. Stay tuned...

Excuse Me??

Last week while at the hair salon sitting under the dryer, I was watching the Oprah Winfrey Show. On this particular episode she was interviewing Robin Givens, who is the ex-wife of heavy weight champion Mike Tyson. During this show, Robin Givens was upset because Oprah Winfrey did not speak up for battered women when Mike Tyson made a reference to wanting to "sock" Robin Givens when discussing their infamous interview with Barbara Walters in the late 80's. Just when Robin Givens began to cry, the woman at the dryer next to me stated, "You know she is a professional actress." I turned my head and said, "Excuse me?" The woman then stated, "She gets paid to act." I then asked her is she didn't believe that Robin Givens was telling the truth. She replied, "I'm not saying I don't believe her, I'm just saying that she is an actress." She then got up and walked away.
In that moment, I had a mix of emotions shoot through me. One emotion was confusion because I hate when people don't clearly state what they mean. She had the opportunity to say yes or no to my question. Either you believe Robin Givens or you don't. Another emotion was anger. I'm not so sure why I became angry but I am going to try to explore it a little. I actually think that when the woman next to me made that statement it was very hateful. It was said with a bit of sarcasm and the look on her face and her body language was that of someone who thinks she has the right to judge other people. I couldn't help but wonder if what she said came out of a place of self-hatred. I cannot imagine having a woman tell me that she has been abused and I not provide her with emotional support. I give every woman the benefit of the doubt because I don't know for sure what they have been through in their relationships. I find that woman's comment to be one of the major contributing factors for why some women get stuck in abusive relationships. The factor is that people don't believe them when they are reaching out for help. I am not an expert on domestic abuse but I am quite sure that for a woman to tell someone about what is happening to her and to then have that person judge her situation, it can be a matter of life and death. She may never share this information with anyone else and risk staying in that abusive relationship for fear that no one will believe her.
I have a part time job doing mental health therapy with young women. None of my clients at this time are over eighteen years old but 2 out of 3 of them have experienced traumatic verbal and physical abuse at the hands of various men in their lives. My job is to guide them and to let them know that they have a safe place to come and share their stories. I also provide them with emotional support to assist them in dealing with the problems from their pasts. I believe them when they tell me their stories because for so long no one listened to them. It makes my heart ache when individuals who have no compassion for others make comments like the one woman made at the salon. I don't know who else heard her and who may now adopt the same attitude about domestic abuse. All I can do at this point is remain supportive and be an advocate for women who are abused. At some point as women we have to learn to be supportive of each other. I hope that time comes sooner rather than later.

Our Father

For the past couple of days there has been a theme that has taken place in most of my conversations with various individuals. I haven't done anything to provoke these exchanges but yet they seem to arise. Last week, I was talking with a coworker over lunch and I stopped to say grace before I began to eat. I did the sign of the cross and commenced to try to enjoy my food. My coworker stopped and asked, "You're Catholic?" I replied yes and I could immediately tell where this conversation was going by the look on her face. Then she says, "My father told me that you guys don't believe in Jesus, right?" This wasn't so much of a question as it was a statement. Although I was annoyed, I proceeded to provide a small lesson on Catholicism for her. I don't know if I was more annoyed that this was an almost 50 year old woman who was just ordained as a minister or that my lunch was being interrupted for this topic. Later on that week, I had two separate but similar conversations with friends about Catholicism and what was understood about it.
The topic of religion never gets me excited or frustrated only because I know that some people are so strong in their convictions that its impossible to discuss anything with them. What bothers me is that most people only understand certain religions by what other people have told them. They don't take the initiative to research other belief systems and come to a different level of understanding about them. Unfortunately, I know that many churchgoers take the words of their pastors, priests, rabbis etc. as the ultimate truth. This thought process is very irritating to me because people who hold high positions in religious institutions can have biases and misinformation as well. I have met way too many people in my life who quote their pastors as if he/she has a book written in the Bible.
My belief in the Trinity is strong but I also take the time to learn about other religions as well. Just because someone isn't a Christian doesn't mean that they are not loved by God and are damned to a life of misery but I know there are others who feel differently. Just today, I was visiting with a patient who is very near death and a volunteer from my company was present during my assessment. We were discussing all of the stories the patient used to tell and what a sweet person she is to be around. All of a sudden, the volunteer became very serious, leans in while staring into my eyes and says, "she's a good Christian woman and deserves prayer." So...if she was a Buddhist and lived a wayward life, she wouldn't be deserving of any spiritual intervention? I never understand statements like these from so called "religious" people because I find them to be awkward and strange. I also find the people who make those statements to be awkward and strange as well. In fact, in that moment I actually thought that the volunteer was going to start smacking me in my face with her Bible pamphlet like Margaret White in the movie Carrie. My eyes quickly scanned the room to look for a broom closet and then I realized that I was in a safe place.
I know that religion provides structure and guidance for some people but I wish it wasn't taken as seriously. The underlying concept of the religions I have studied so far has been love. I'm not sure that a person's religion is going to be relevant at the end of of their journey. I think that how we treat people and use ourselves for good will be far more important. With this being said, I hope that we all take the time to educate ourselves about different cultures and belief systems. We shouldn't take ideas and adopt them as our own without fully understanding them. Flexibility of the mind and heart is priceless and we can all learn from each others differences.