Excuse Me??

Last week while at the hair salon sitting under the dryer, I was watching the Oprah Winfrey Show. On this particular episode she was interviewing Robin Givens, who is the ex-wife of heavy weight champion Mike Tyson. During this show, Robin Givens was upset because Oprah Winfrey did not speak up for battered women when Mike Tyson made a reference to wanting to "sock" Robin Givens when discussing their infamous interview with Barbara Walters in the late 80's. Just when Robin Givens began to cry, the woman at the dryer next to me stated, "You know she is a professional actress." I turned my head and said, "Excuse me?" The woman then stated, "She gets paid to act." I then asked her is she didn't believe that Robin Givens was telling the truth. She replied, "I'm not saying I don't believe her, I'm just saying that she is an actress." She then got up and walked away.
In that moment, I had a mix of emotions shoot through me. One emotion was confusion because I hate when people don't clearly state what they mean. She had the opportunity to say yes or no to my question. Either you believe Robin Givens or you don't. Another emotion was anger. I'm not so sure why I became angry but I am going to try to explore it a little. I actually think that when the woman next to me made that statement it was very hateful. It was said with a bit of sarcasm and the look on her face and her body language was that of someone who thinks she has the right to judge other people. I couldn't help but wonder if what she said came out of a place of self-hatred. I cannot imagine having a woman tell me that she has been abused and I not provide her with emotional support. I give every woman the benefit of the doubt because I don't know for sure what they have been through in their relationships. I find that woman's comment to be one of the major contributing factors for why some women get stuck in abusive relationships. The factor is that people don't believe them when they are reaching out for help. I am not an expert on domestic abuse but I am quite sure that for a woman to tell someone about what is happening to her and to then have that person judge her situation, it can be a matter of life and death. She may never share this information with anyone else and risk staying in that abusive relationship for fear that no one will believe her.
I have a part time job doing mental health therapy with young women. None of my clients at this time are over eighteen years old but 2 out of 3 of them have experienced traumatic verbal and physical abuse at the hands of various men in their lives. My job is to guide them and to let them know that they have a safe place to come and share their stories. I also provide them with emotional support to assist them in dealing with the problems from their pasts. I believe them when they tell me their stories because for so long no one listened to them. It makes my heart ache when individuals who have no compassion for others make comments like the one woman made at the salon. I don't know who else heard her and who may now adopt the same attitude about domestic abuse. All I can do at this point is remain supportive and be an advocate for women who are abused. At some point as women we have to learn to be supportive of each other. I hope that time comes sooner rather than later.